A Remain supporter has confirmed that he would feel much happier for Brexit to be a massive failure and be proven right than for Britain to become successful in a post-EU world.
“Well, obviously, I’d like to live in a successful country,” said Simon Williams, a Remain supporter who works in ‘media’.
“But not at the expense of me being proved wrong. That’s simply unthinkable.
“These are clearly very uncertain times,” he continued while sipping a frappe-mocha-latte-coo-coo-ca-chino.
“So I think it’s important that I, along with all remain supporters, maintain a constant state of gloom and pessimism, and meet any signs of optimism by saying something like ‘well, it’s early days, you wait until the country just falls into a big hole in the ground and everyone dies screaming, then you’ll be sorry’.
“Because otherwise, it might mean that Brexit won’t be a disaster, and who wants to live in a world where people like me can possibly be wrong about anything.
“Fortunately, the government clearly agrees with me and is doing everything within its power to ensure Brexit is a complete and utter clusterf*ck.
“It’s getting so bad that we are almost at the point where I can claim to have been proven correct, and we haven’t even left yet. Kinda like the ref stepping in and stopping a boxing match. I’m not sure how much more the Leavers can take.”
Mr Williams continued banging on interminably about racism, the older generation, and claiming to be ‘seriously looking at relocating to Ireland,’ before he realised that everyone had stopped listening so he wandered off to drink some ‘craft’ ale instead.