Record Olympic medal haul a direct result of Brexit, insists UKIP supporter

author avatar by 8 years ago

Britain would not have had the successful Olympic games it has had so far without Brexit, according to a lifelong UKIP supporter.

“I haven’t been surprised at all,” said UKIP supporter and heavy drinker Simon Williams.

“It’s clear to me that had Britain not voted to leave the EU; our Olympic team would just have got two or three medals in piddly so-called sports like shooting and Frisbee.”

According to Mr Williams, there are three main reasons that Brexit has helped the UK’s cause at the Rio games

1: Freedom from EU limits

NewsThump best selling notebooks

“This is the big one,” continued Mr Williams.

“In the past, we would have had to adhere to strict EU limits on how many medals we could bring home, probably. So now we have cut ties with the EU, we can win as many medals as we want.”

2: Taking back control

“Yeah, we’ve taken back bloody loads of control which is just generally better for everything in both our sporting life and our general life as well.”

3: More money

“By not giving £350m to the EU every day, sportsmen and ladies must have loads more money to spend on trainers, bikes, and lycra shorts. I mean, that’s just basic maths.”

Mr Williams went on to predict wins for the UK in the upcoming SuperBowl, World Series, and Quidditch championships before passing out on his park bench in a small puddle of urine

NewsThump Hoodies