Jason Kenny and Laura Trott to walk up the aisle behind a Derny bike

author avatar by 8 years ago

Jason Kenny and Laura Trott will walk up the aisle behind a Derny bike when they get married, it has been confirmed.

The motorised scooter leads cyclists off on the Keirin event, and the two are to proceed into the church behind one ‘to prevent them getting from the car park to the altar in, like, four seconds or something’ when they wed.

The Derny, which does not exceed 50mph, is intended to prevent the two competing over who can get to the altar first to grab the gold ring.

Rules clearly say that no cyclist may overtake the bike, and the two have agreed that if either does so, it will lead to them having to do the washing up for at least a year.

A second infringement would be considered grounds for divorce.

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“They’re both pretty nippy when they get going, and they want to make sure guests at least have time to sit down, cough and try to remember the tunes for the hymns before the whole thing is over,” we were told.

“The derny bike doesn’t go too fast, although it will accelerate towards the end when ‘Onward Christian Soldiers’ starts playing, and the collection plate is passed around.”

Scientists are keen to see how the marriage works out, as they expect any children of the union will be an incredible half-human, half-bicycle cross which will guarantee Team GB continued dominance of the sport at future Olympics.