Tuesday 16 August 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Yes I do need the whole of the f*cking road, confirms cyclist

Cyclist needs all of the road

A cyclist has confirmed in no uncertain terms that yes, he definitely does need the whole of the f*cking road actually.

“I have just as much right to use the road as anyone,” said Simon Williams, the cyclist in question, leading many to wonder why he and other cyclists don’t just get that phrase sewn into the arse of their stupid, twat cyclist shorts and have done with it.

Mr Williams had been cycling through the countryside of Essex for several hours near the centre of the road, providing no opportunity for anyone to overtake and leading to tailbacks that stretched into Scotland.

“Obviously, I could pull in occasionally to let people pass, but why should I?

“I’m not throwing huge amounts of pollution into the atmosphere like those cars, and if I slow them down then I’m helping slow down that damage, probably.”

Surprisingly Mr Williams rejected ideas that the Government should build extra cycle lanes to prevent this sort of thing.

“No, they should build extra car lanes, why should I be marginalised?” he confirmed with a level of smugness that would make a Tory MP blush.

It is understood that Mr Williams needs the whole of the f**king road for himself, his bike, and his enormous sense of self-importance.

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