A US voter has decided the single issue he’s going to vote on in November is not being dead in four years time.
A resident of the swing-state of New Hampshire, Simon-Bob Williams recognises that his vote might actually count and so is paying particularly close attention to pronouncements by candidates which will increase his chances of surviving the short to medium-term future.
Describing the choice as ‘tricky’, Simon-Bob acknowledged he has resorted to strong drink to help him decide between the candidates.
“If Hillary is elected, there’s a strong risk that the creepy guy in the next block with the dress sense of The Joker and an AR-15 collection will go completely postal and decide to use his guns on all and sundry before she comes round to take them off him.
“On the other hand, if Trump is elected there’s a genuine chance I’ll be reduced to my constituent particles when the rapidly-expanding radioactive firestorm engulfs the East Coast.
“So it’s swings and roundabouts, really.”
Other areas which might precipitate his early demise include Obamacare death panels, Trump supporters firing automatic weapons in the air to celebrate victory, further deregulation of the financial services sector precipitating a crash that renders his insurance worthless, and just plain losing the will to live at the thought of three more months of this crap.