An exceptionally dim woman has become convinced she has supernatural, otherworldly powers of precognition, after an entirely boring coincidence in which she bumped into someone she was thinking about ‘only the other day’.
“Yeah, it’s dead obvious I’ve got spooky, witchy powers,” Sharon Williams told us.
“Because a few days back I was thinking about my cousin Kelly who I’ve not seen in ages, and then I go out, and who do I see?
“That’s right, it was our Kelly, exactly as my psychic powers predicted. How did you guess?
“Oooh, maybe you’re a bit psychic, just like me!”
However, when asked about the chance meeting, Kelly, who has many, many more functioning brain cells than her cousin just rolled her eyes in embarrassment.
“I was in the supermarket when I heard this shrieking bark, like a sexually excited badger. I turned around, and there was Sharon.
“Unfortunately, it was too late to run away down the bread aisle and pretend I hadn’t seen her, so instead I had to listen to thirty minutes of mind-retching bollocks about how she’s always known she was attuned to a deeper knowledge of the universe.
“I tried to explain the statistical nature of coincidences by asking her to consider all the people she’s thought about recently that she hasn’t bumped into.
“But she wasn’t interested and instead started chanting ‘OM’ by the baked beans in an effort to read my mind.
“And let’s just say that it’s probably just as well she couldn’t.”
“Poor Sharon, she always was a bit dim,” Kelly continued, apologetically.
“But it’s a pity she’s turned out to be a fucking mental case too.”