The second round of men’s Olympic volleyball has taken place without anyone batting an eyelid.
With the women’s competition crashing National Grid systems worldwide for the third time in succession, Hungary’s shock win over Lithuania, was watched by fewer than eighty viewers.
The feat was all the more impressive considering the country’s lack of a coastline, coupled with a less than thriving sandy-beach-type sporting culture.
A further twenty viewers are said to have switched off when Hungary’s lynchpin Grigory Yellovic bent over momentarily to wipe sand from between his toes, exposing several different timelines to inches of sweaty, male arse-crack.
With tickets for the women’s heats exchanging hands for three thousand dollars on Ebay, tickets for the men’s third round have been less popular than antibiotic-resistant gonorrhoea.
As the Olympic Committee considered asking male competitors to wear nothing more than sock over their cocks to drum up some interest, a picture of the women’s Egypt versus Germany clash, featuring an athlete in a “burkini” and one in a bikini went viral.
Olympic commentator and women’s volleyball ticket holder, Simon Williams, said, “The pessimist might view this image as symptomatic of a widening gulf between Islamic and Judeo-Christian cultures.
“Conversely, the optimist sees a coming together of nations via the unifying power of sport.”
He added, “Either way, I found it much more difficult to thumb one out.”