Donald Trump pledges to replace Constitution with the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition

author avatar by 7 years ago

The United States Constitution will be modified to include the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition, according to a policy document leaked from the Donald Trump campaign.

The news emerged after it became clear Trump’s campaign website would not allow supporters to cancel reoccurring donations, a move covered under Rule 239 as “Never be afraid to mislabel a product”.

Trump, who believes he is running for the position of ‘Grand Nagus’ of the United States, has a personal motto of “A man is only worth the sum of his possessions”, which is his favourite of all the rules.

Others of his favourite rules include ‘war is good for business’ and ‘Employees are rungs on the ladder of success – don’t hesitate to step on them’.

Many supporters of Donald Trump already appear to be using at least the first three of the five stages of acquisition – infatuation, obsession, justification, appropriation and resale – to explain backing their candidate.

Speaking from the plush Ferenginar Casino on the Las Vegas Strip, a spokesman for Trump confirmed that all 285 of the rules would be added to the Constitution as amendments as soon as the team can get congressional approval for the move.

“We might shake up the order a bit,” we were told.

“The first two amendments will be ‘Females and finances don’t mix’ and ‘It never hurts to suck up to the boss’.

“Donald was very clear about that for some reason.”

The leak was described as ‘Unsurprising, predictable and weak’ by Trump’s opponent in the race, Hillary Klingon.