Former Chancellor George Osborne is set to be made Companion of Honour for his services to always wearing a hi-vis jacket and helmet.
“Not only was George a superb Chancellor,” said former prime minister and current beach hunk David Cameron.
“But he was always tremendously concerned with health and safety, and there was literally nowhere he didn’t wear his hi-vis jacket and helmet; during cabinet meetings, while relaxing on the beach, enjoying vigorous lovemaking.”
It is too early to tell if Mr Osborne’s pioneering work on Chancellor safety will continue, with new Chancellor Phil Hammond yet to be pictured in either hi-vis jacket or helmet.
“Frankly, I’m concerned for him,” said Mr Osborne yesterday, as he completed his A-level Economics retake.
“I was inexplicably Chancellor for six years, and during that time I didn’t suffer a single workplace accident, apart from that time I got confused by a stapler.
“I had hoped that the days of Chancellors’ caviller attitude to workplace safety were behind us.”
The current Prime Minister Theresa May refused to comment on the appointment.
“George who?” She said.
Mr Osborne is expected to attend the Honours ceremony wearing a hi-vis jacket and helmet.