Euromillions winners receive begging letter from Bank of England

The Bank of England has penned a begging letter to Euromillions winners to support a package of measures designed to provide additional monetary stimulus to the economy.

The following is an actual snippet of the policy announcement from a BoE policy announcement today after our sources obtained the original unedited version.

After an unprecedented fuck up from the UK public who were lied to by power hungry fuckknobs and Following the United Kingdom’s vote, from people who had no idea of the immeasurable economic wankership we are about to enter, to leave the European Union, the exchange rate has plummetted, probably caused by money hungry finance bastards shorting the UK pound, and the outlook for growth in the short to medium term has dropped off a fucking cliff weakened markedly.

Mark Carney – Governor, Bank of England, said: “Even if we wanted to print more money, we can’t afford the ink.

“Plus we don’t know the right cartridge size to buy, and we certainly couldn’t find the right one on Amazon.

“This is why we have asked the Davies family for a loan, we have flat out run out of wonga and this is essentially why we cut the interest rate today, for a cheap loan.”

Euromillions winner Mrs Davies now has to decide if she still wants to build a very expensive carport, or support the UK in its time of economic crisis.