Lucifer, Lord of Darkness, has denied Donald Trump’s claim that he and Hillary Clinton are the same person.
In angrily worded statement graven in letters of fire ten feet high, The Lord of Flies accused Trump of defaming his good name and stressed he and Clinton had not been close since she supported Barry Goldwater.
With a voice of a thousand terrible howls of eternal anguish, Beelzebub clarified his position that, yes, he may be Lord of all that is Unclean but he was personally offended by the suggestion that he would sink that low.
“I may live in a river of flame and boiling excrement, but I do have standards, you know”, he told reporters, before going on to add that suggesting the master of Hell was associating with the Clintons was really hitting his integrity.
“When I tempt people to their damnation I’m open about it”, he clarified.
When asked if he would instead endorse Trump, Satan responded scornfully.
“That twat?”, he said. “Not a chance.
“Tell you what, his arse won’t half be sore when he gets down here. Make no mistake about that.
“I’m sharpening a skewer, barbed and unholy, for that express purpose.
“Come to Daddy, Donald.”