Draft dodger, Donald Trump, has recalled his horrific Vietnam War experience on the front line of a cinema’s VIP seating area.
The Republican nominee says that to this very day, he bears the emotional scars of watching the graphic eighties war film Apocalypse Now with friends and a bucket of popcorn.
Mean-spirited critics have suggested that while his non-cowardly peers were laying down their lives against the hated communists, Trump was laying down in a hammock sipping cocktails.
Trump said, “There was me and seven other guys, aged barely nineteen, in that well-furnished yet dimly-lit multiplex.
“I can still hear their screams.”
Trump managed to dodge going to fight in Vietnam after being granted a health exemption due to an unfortunate health issue that limited him to representing his university in only two different sports.
“War, or at least seeing it up close on a big screen, changes you,” he told us.
“Watching Martin Sheen gunning down all those Muslims will live with me forever. The deafening roar of helicopters in Dolby Surround Sound.”
Trump says he found it hard to adjust to life outside, and his experiences of ‘Nam films left the fucker unable to relate to normal people.
He added, “I was unable to hold down a job until I was offered a really nice one by my father.”