Theresa May calls for end to Modern Slavery in favour of more traditional slavery

author avatar by 7 years ago

Theresa May has stated that modern slavery is all getting a bit too complicated and has vowed to return to the days of less complicated slavery.

Writing in the Sunday Telegraph, she said “It was simple back in the day, wasn’t it?

“Collect some people, pop them on a boat to sell to another country in exchange for some brandy; and then they were used for labour on sugar, cotton, cocoa or whatever, job done.

“Now it’s all nail bars, sexual exploitation & car washes; the business model has become far to complicated.”

The government indicated that they just need to shift the problem elsewhere and is looking to replicate the model of moving families and their slaves out to old colonial locations that were subject to less stringent human rights laws.

“Nobody wants an unhappy slave,” continued the Prime Minister.

“And with this plan, nobody will be breaking any laws either”.

There are 13,000 slaves in the UK according to the Home Office, and the Government has earmarked £33m from the aid budget to tackle slavery.

Whitehall analyst Simon Williams calculated that the government could eliminate the problem of modern slavery by offering a relocation package of £2,538 to each of the slaves and their owners to follow the government’s strategic colonial relocation plan.