Monday 1 August 2016 by Davywavy

Old Nokia handsets would be the only thing to survive the apocalypse, claim scientists

Nokia 3310 indestructable

The only man-made objects to survive a nuclear war would be old Nokia handsets, according to a study published today.

The Nokia phones dating from the early 2000s are ‘pretty much indestructible’, after scientists started by dropping them and sitting on them, and then working up to see just how much they can take.

After the phones were dropped in the toilet and flushed and then hit with a hammer, researchers got curious about just exactly what it would take to break one the damn things, before escalating to dynamite before finally, a thermonuclear blast in the 20-kiloton range.

The report showed the blast resulted in some minor scratching to the screen and a tendency to drop signal just when you’re trying to ring the answerphone.

“Everyone knows that you just can’t get rid of those old phones,” said chief analyst Simon Williams of the Department of Nokia Studies at Cambridge University.

“They just sit there in the back of your drawer, resisting all attempts to break them so you can justify getting an upgrade.

“Our interest was first really piqued when someone drove over one in a 50-tonne mining truck and then still used it to ring for pizza.

“One particularly tenacious Nokia 3310 handset is still bobbing around in that Icelandic volcano after we threw it in the top following that eruption in 2010 – remote drones indicate that it’s still playing the hold music for the Talk Talk helpline, as they’ve not answered yet.”

The team reported the findings as ‘optimistic’, as at least this means should the unthinkable happen survivors in the post-nuclear wasteland will be able to start rebuilding civilisation on the back of easy communications.

However, they fear that future wars may begin as a result of people taking the piss out of each other’s ‘totally old, clunky brick’ handsets.

Previous post:

Next post: