The incomparable Miss Piggy is to be made a dame, at the behest of David Cameron.
Amidst accusations of cronyism – which still doesn’t look like a real word – it emerged that one of the names on Cameron’s list of people he would like to honour includes the talking pig; for whom he has long harboured strong feelings not to be discussed at the dinner table.
“It hardly a surprise he’s making her a dame,” scoffed Simon Williams, a friend of Miss Piggy.
“He’s been at her like a rat up a film star for the best part of ten years; this is just another cloying attempt to curry her favour.
“I’ll sure she will accept the honour though, and besides, ‘Dame Piggy’ has a nice ring to it, even if it does sound a bit like a sex act which David Cameron would no-doubt enjoy.”
There is expected to be a palpable tension when Miss Piggy comes face-to-face with the Queen, mainly regarding their still-unresolved clash at Her Majesty’s wedding when the two both wore the same dress.