Donald Trump to win Presidential election because 2016

author avatar by 7 years ago

The Presidential election is already being called for Donald Trump because it’s 2016 and that’s the kind of thing that happens this year.

Following Brexit, the death of David Bowie, the rise of extremism in all its forms and the announcement of yet another Transformers movie, it seems more than likely that the haunted pumpkin of politics will sweep to victory in November, just to keep the stream of awfulness ticking over.

“2016, innit,” confirmed scientist, Dr Simon Williams.

“More precisely, we have seen an unprecedented level of absolute fuckery this year, and there’s no real evidence to suggest it’s going to stop at any time soon.

“Basically, it started with the death of Terry Wogan and went downhill from there.

“We can all cling to the hope that Americans are much smarter than we are led to believe, but honestly, you’d be better off praying for a delicious wheel of cheese that also burns body fat.

“This is 2016, and we are its bitch. It would really be much better for everyone if we just to roll over and take it, than get all wound up about it.”