Thursday 28 July 2016 by Lucas Wilde

“Any time you like” world tells God

God asked to sort out all this shit

The world has asked God if He can maybe sort things out directly.

He That Is Called I Am received a Facebook message from Earth which read “get that you’re super busy LOL but it really is getting daft down here now…any chance of a hand..?”

Simon Williams, a spokesperson for the Earth, said, “We put it as subtly as we could, but seriously, He needs to do something about all this because we obviously don’t have a fucking clue.

“I get the whole ‘free will’ thing but at this point, humanity is just a kid about to stick a fork into a plug socket and, like any good parent, He needs to step in and stop us.

“He can start with pushing Donald Trump down some stairs and then work from there; that would suit us just fine.”

A spokesperson for God said, “The Lord will get round to all of this eventually, but He’s pretty determined to finally polish off the last series of Breaking Bad first.

“Assuming no other cracking telly has been made since then, He will pop down to earth to sort out your petty little shit.”

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