UK explores selling Scotland to China

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Chancellor Phil Hammond is to make a bold effort to arrest the post-Brexit slump by selling Scotland to China.

“It is important that we don’t let Brexit become an isolating phenomenon,” said Mr Hammond.

“As such, I have opened up talks with China to sell them Scotland, possibly with Wales thrown in as a buy one, get one free sort of deal.”

The Chinese are said to be ‘intrigued’ by Mr Hammond’s proposal and are currently mulling over whether to occupy Scotland in it’s current location or uncouple it from the UK and attach it to China potentially at the Shandong peninsula.

It is understood that initial attempts made to entice China with Guernsey or the Isle of Mann were rejected out of hand, and it was thought that the trade deal might be a non-starter until a Chinese diplomat mentioned how much he liked shortbread.

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Mr Hammond is comfortable with a trade deal with one of the world’s largest human rights abusers.

“Oh yes, in fact, Theresa’s actually quite an admirer of their human rights record and is hoping to get some tips.”

The Scottish population are surprisingly supportive of the proposal.

“Aye, why not,” said Scotsman Simon Williams, taking a break from frantically tossing his caber.

“I mean, anyone’s got to be better than that incompetent, half-headed, self-serving pack of bastards in London.”

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