Followers of the mystical art of homeopathy were claiming a major success yesterday after scientists admitted that homeopathic remedies are wholly effective at curing thirst.
Homeopathy claims water molecules can somehow remember stuff that other water molecules were once in contact with, for no particular reason other than ‘just because’.
Oddly, as a result, it has long been considered by all reasonably sane people, to be marginally less plausible than Donald Trump’s hair.
However, homeopaths have recently uncovered evidence in a number of scientific journals which point out an unambiguous causative effect between drinking water and no longer being thirsty.
Homeopathic wizard Merlin Williams, admits to being jubilant at the news.
“Right from when Homoeopathy was first made up, to the present day, the establishment laughed at us. They called us fools. Charlatans. And tiny brained nonsense weasels.
“But now the facts are in. We have uncovered recommendations made by actual, genuine scientists, which advise that everyone should drink about eight glasses of water a day to get rid of thirst.
“Scientific validation doesn’t get much better than that.
“Mind you, we think that the scientists can’t have got their facts quite right, as we think – for no particular reason – that less is more. Therefore to be most effective, people should probably drink as little water as possible. That would totally make sense.
Unfortunately, a spokes-scientist was unable to provide a statement, as she was too busy repeatedly banging her forehead against her laboratory bench whilst muttering “delusional fuck-muppets” over and over again.
Meanwhile, homeopaths are already claiming science also supports other homeopathic remedies.
“We’ve learnt about this other fantastic, scientifically validated homeopathic remedy where water is directly applied to the skin to cure body odours,” Mr Williams told us.
“It’s called ‘washing’ apparently.”