The Labour hierarchy will attempt to oust leader Jeremy Corbyn by hiding his Vitamin D tablets, it has emerged.
After Vitamin D was proven essential to a person’s survival, Labour chiefs believe they can rid themselves of the tiresome socialist by inducing a bout of rickets.
Meanwhile, popular challenger Owen Smith will be given massive injections of Vitamin D until it’s coming out of his arse.
Corbyn has been encouraged to holiday in Scotland this year to minimise his exposure to natural light under the guise of strengthening the fragile union north of the border.
Left-wingers are playing a waiting game and are hoping Corbyn will collapse sometime in mid-November.
Corbyn, who is a huge Vitamin D fan, attributes his leadership skills to a diet rich in tuna fish and eggs, combined with holidays in fucking Tuscany.
Former leadership hopeful, Angela Eagle, said, “We’re keeping him out of stores like Holland & Barrett, and Boots is strictly off-limits.
“I’ve reminded him that all eggs contain Salmonella and contribute directly to his halitosis problem.”
She added, “In the meantime, we’re looking for signs of withdrawal like bow-leggedness, bowel cancer and an unquenchable thirst for abolishing grammar schools.”