Trident renewal forces angry Putin to mothball Britain invasion plan

author avatar by 7 years ago

Vladimir Putin’s detailed plan to annexe Great Britain has been mothballed after MPs voted to renew the Trident nuclear missile system.

Aides close to the Russian leader say he is furious that months of work and laborious planning has gone out of the window now that the UK will spend £205bn on a Trident replacement.

A source inside the Kremlin told us, “We were convinced that Britain was ripe for the picking, we’d just waltz over there and take it over, easy peasy.

“But you just can’t do that if the country has a decent nuclear deterrent. It’s literally the only thing that stopped us.

“Frankly, the British people have had an extremely lucky escape, and I doubt they even realise it.”

Trident fan and voter Simon Williams told us, “I’m glad we’re spending £205 billion on a Trident replacement, because if we weren’t then our crap politicians would only waste it on hundreds of hospitals and schools.

“Which, let’s be honest, would only have made us more attractive to the Russians.”