Reality continues to crumble in the wake of David Bowie’s death

author avatar by 7 years ago

Months after the death of David Bowie, normal reality is collapsing at an ever-increasing rate.

Scientists have concluded that Bowie was in some way integral to the function of what we call normality in ways which they have not yet properly begun to understand, but postulate a hitherto unknown particle called the ‘Bowon’ which helped the universe keep its shit together.

Researchers at the Large Hadron Collider have added the Bowon to the list of particles they are looking for after recognising that things ‘really started to get all kinds of freaky’ after January 10th of this year.

“It started with small things,” said Professor of Applied Bowie Physics Simon Williams.

“Leicester winning the league, for example.

“But as time goes on, what we humans perceive as ‘normal’ is being revealed as a shared group illusion which is collapsing at an ever-increasing rate.

“Donald Trump leading in the polls. Hillary Clinton getting the nomination. Boris Johnson becoming Foreign Secretary. Jeremy Corbyn being allowed to remain where he is. That sort of thing.

“Stuff that simply would not happen in a sane world.”

Preliminary experimentation in subtracting the Bowon from other fundamental particles indicates that they just lose something of their Strangeness and Charm, and scientists theorise that this is what’s happening to everything, really.

Staff at CERN have taken to playing Space Oddity down the LHC really loudly to try and pull things back together, and will report on their findings.