Islamic State urging people to listen to ‘wise woman’ Katie Hopkins

author avatar by 8 years ago

Katie Hopkins is the person you should all be listening to, according to the latest Islamic State newsletter.

The Daesh terrorist group has the stated aim of bringing about a religious war, but has failed so far in its attempts at converting the vast majority of ordinary Muslims into terrorists, and so it has recruited Katie Hopkins to help bring about the war from the other side.

An Islamic State spokesman explained, “Katie Hopkins our most successful propagandist, by quite some margin. We have posters of her on our cave walls; she’s a legend right across Daesh.

“I wasn’t all that keen on hiring her to begin with, what with her being a woman and everything, but frankly there is no-one out there quite as effective in helping us meet our goal of a religious war to end all wars.

“We’ve tried shooting you, bombing you, terrorising you, but you still won’t give us the religious war we so desperately crave. So please, please, listen to Katie Hopkins and do all of the things she is suggesting.

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“That woman knows what she’s talking about, she is wise, and you should definitely all listen to her.

“Follow her lead and act on her instructions. We want you to deport all Muslims, we want you to criticise all Muslims, we want you to ostracise and discriminate against all Muslims – we literally couldn’t be any happier than when you’re doing that.

“Every time she talks about carpet bombing Syria or locking up someone for reading the Koran, our applications go through the roof.

“Most ordinary Muslims have absolutely no interest in joining us, unfortunately, and they absolutely hate the things we do in the name of their religion – but they take much less convincing to join us when you’ve made it perfectly clear you already think they’re terrorists anyway.

“And so with Katie Hopkins on our side, we’ll get our war, and we’ll get it a lot sooner than you think.”

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