The nation was united in disappointment as the phrase ‘Michael Gove has been eliminated’ turned out to be nowhere near as good a piece of news as it first sounded.
“I’ll be honest, I had the bottle of Babycham opened before the wife explained to me what ‘Gove has been eliminated’ meant in this context,” said bee-comber Simon Williams.
“It was on the news; they said that the Tory leadership race was down to Leadsom and May because Michael Gove had been eliminated.
“Like most people, I assumed that Theresa May had called upon all the demonic forces at her command to drag Gove down into the fiery pits of Hell itself.
“It was quite the disappointment when the wife explained what it really meant.”
It had been the second round of voting in the Tory leadership contest, and the Pob-faced Brexit bastard and twice winner of ‘most punchable face in politics’ had come third and was therefore eliminated from the competition.
Although, as Mr Williams explained, it wasn’t all bad news.
“No, I mean, Gove being out of frontline politics for the next few months and having no chance of leading the country?
“Still good enough to raise a glass of babycham in celebration.”