America to give thoughts and prayers another go

author avatar by 7 years ago

The United States is to give thoughts and prayers another try to prevent future mass shootings, they have decided.

On the basis that nothing else they could do would prevent further stacks of bullet-riddled corpses, everyone from senior government officials to the lowliest in the land has pledged to cross their fingers and wish really hard that it won’t happen again.

It is hoped that a succession of prayer meetings will delay the next mass shooting by at least no time whatsoever, if not less.

Any suggestion that some form of firearms control could mitigate against future slaughter has been met with threats of further slaughter, which seems logical.

“The United States doesn’t have a gun problem, it has a mental health problem,” said NRA spokesman Simon-Bob Williams.

“We demand that the government invest billions in upgrading mental health services, but does so without putting up taxes in any way as if they do that we’ll have to start shooting.

“We also strongly reject any suggestion of restricting firearm access to the mentally ill. Attempts to do so will result in us starting shooting.

“So thoughts and prayers, people, thoughts and prayers.

“Guns don’t kill people, not thinking and not praying kills people.”