Chilcot report branded a whitewash for not recommending summary execution of Tony Blair

author avatar by 8 years ago

The long-awaited Chilcot report into the Iraq war has been branded a whitewash for not recommending Tony Blair’s immediate execution by stoning in Hyde Park.

“All I wanted was the truth,” said kiwi shaver and internet conspiracy monitor, Simon Williams.

“The truth, that Tony Blair, under the instruction of the Bilderberg group, Oprah Winfrey, and aliens from the planet Neptune, started a war with the sole intention of making everyone watch the BBC and be exposed to a series of subliminal messages about eating pot noodles containing chemicals that make humans more docile and accepting of a forthcoming Neptune colonisation.

“That is the truth, I know because I saw it on a poorly made Youtube video made by a man in a tinfoil hat.”

According to Mr Williams, the most egregious omission of the report is the lack of a call for Tony Blair should be put to death.

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“It’s just a whitewash,” he cried, stamping his foot and foaming slightly at the mouth.

“Obviously Tony Blair should be executed by stoning in Hyde Park, but even if the report doesn’t go that far then it should at least recommend a light hanging.”

Mr Williams aims to continue the campaign for the real truth about the Iraq war to come out.

“I’ve just shared that Youtube video again on Facebook, and I’m going to keep referring to Tony Blair as Tony B-Liar in all my forum posts.

“That’ll show him.”