As Southern Rail today permanently removes 15% of services from their timetable, the country is coming to terms with the fact that the only reasonable explanation for Southern Rail is that it is a terrorist act against the country.
“It’s diabolical,” said Simon Williams, a Southern Rail passenger who has been waiting at Haywards Heath to visit his sick father in Brighton since 2003.
“I mean, you expect terrorists to come at you with bombs and weapons, but to try and bring two counties and South London to their knees through mass incompetence in the administration of travel infrastructure?
Southern Rail’s latest attack on the public is to reduce the number of services on the network in order to ban overtime as punishment for staff who participated in industrial action.
The plan was instigated by CEO Charles Horton, but suspicion is that the orders originated from the mountains of Afghanistan.
While Southern Rail is now widely accepted to been waging a sustained act of terrorism against the public since 2001, there is another theory that the Southern Rail board and Rail Minister Claire Perry are simply a catastrophic collection of galactic f**kheads.