Saturday 2 July 2016 by Davywavy

Corbynism recognised as Britain’s fastest-growing religion

Jeremy Corbyn religion

The worship of Jeremy Corbyn has been recognised as Britain’s fastest-growing religion according to latest census data.

Corbyn, or ‘J.C.’ as he has come to be known, promises followers a simple moral purity divorced from the real world which many find an attractive solace in difficult times.

The church has attracted a rush of converts after The Passion of St Jeremy was broadcast live this week, prompting true believers to rush to his side.

At times Jeremy was left with fewer than a dozen disciples to fill seats in the shadow cabinet.

Followers believe that St Jeremy will lead them to glory in the 2020 election, healing the sick, distributing alms and renationalising the railways.

Corbynism has a number of rituals, including that when two or three acolytes are gathered together on the Internet they must tell each other the entire nation supports them.

The creed also demands Jews must be cast out unless they perform a ritual penance and denounce Israel.

However, some Labour Party insiders are sceptical about the claims of miraculous powers which follow the leader.

“Corbyn has succeeded in inducing a handful of halfwits to shout ‘Hail Corbyn’ and persuaded himself that is that voice of the people”, we were told.

“That is where he makes his bloomer.

“What the voice of the people is actually saying is ‘Look at that frightful ass Corbyn and his pals shouting and disfiguring the Centotaph. I’m not voting for them’.”

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