Friday 1 July 2016 by Gary Stanton

Michael Gove’s ‘friends’ offered police protection

Michael Gove stabbed in the back police protection

Michael Gove’s friends and allies have been offered full police protection after two of them were brutally stabbed in the back.

Following the political assassinations of David Cameron and Boris Johnson, a number of MPs who consider themselves ‘chummy’ with Gove are currently holed up in safe houses around the UK.

Police say the scheme could be extended to casual acquaintances and anyone on Gove’s Christmas card list.

As the dust settled on Boris Johnson’s leadership bid, the public were warned that Mr Gove has more faces than Big Ben in a fairground Hall of Mirrors.

Meanwhile, Facebook chief Mark Zuckerberg has promised a new feature to block Friend Requests from the serpentine, former Education Secretary.

Met Police spokesman, Simon Williams, said, “Ruthless sociopaths will say anything to gain your trust, such as every child will receive the best education or here’s another £350 million a week for the NHS.”

Williams added, “People have called Gove a Judas, but then Judas never encouraged a fat, blond clown to think they were the future of British politics.”

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