‘New kind of politics’ not meant to include stabbing me in the front, moans Corbyn

author avatar by 7 years ago

Caretaker Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn is fist-shakingly furious that his ‘new kind of politics’ has led to his MPs not even having the basic courtesy to stab him in the back, it has been alleged today.

With most of his shadow cabinet calling him a useless sod to his face and virtually the rest of the parliamentary Labour party agreeing in yesterday’s vote of no-confidence, Mr Corbyn is reported to be proper miffed and wondering whether it would have been better to have stuck with the old-style of politics.

“At least you know where you are when everyone’s smiling at you to your face and calling you a politically incompetent twat behind your back,” he said.

“Because, for the record, when I said I wanted people to be nicer to each other and politics to be more dignified, I didn’t mean everyone politely telling me that although I’m a thoroughly nice chap, they don’t feel I’ve got the right leadership qualities.

“For instance, when I was sacking that git Hilary Benn, I sarcastically asked whether he thought leadership qualities meant being a duplicitous, conniving Bastard, but he just laughed sadly and said ‘if only you’d realised this nine months ago’.”

However Simon Williams, a 22-year-old student and foaming-from-the eyeballs Corbynite, is just one of many Labour Party Members who have said they’ll continue to support Jeremy Corbyn no matter who ineffective he continues to be.

“So what if he stands less chance of winning a General Election than Roy Hodgson does of winning sports womble of the year,” she said.

“Because ultimately Jezza says what I want to hear, and that’s got to matter more than connecting with the broader electorate.

“Hasn’t it? Hasn’t it?”