After a stunning referendum result, Nigel Farage has been left unable to celebrate properly after being rushed to hospital with a chronic case of smugness.
“No, it’s not serious,” saidDoctor Wozniak, an EU migrant, speaking from Mr Farage’s palatial private suite.
“But it is certainly one of the most chronic cases of smugness that I’ve ever seen, and speaking as a physician who exclusively treats the rich, famous, and extremely smug, that’s saying something.”
Mr Farage runs at a very high natural level of smugness, so it is really no surprise that this referendum result has triggered such a chronic attack.
The attack of overwhelming smugness came on at around four in the morning, just after the Brexiters took an unassailable lead in the voting.
“He was up and looking smug, very smug, smugger than usual, which is, obviously, dangerous for a man of Nigel’s natural level of smugness,” said UKIP insider.
“Then the final result came on, and he just collapsed on the floor, giggling and repeating ‘I’m the ruddy best, I’m the ruddy best,’ over and over again. It was very scary.”
Mr Farage is expected to make a full recovery in time, and will also be comforted by the words of support former London Major Boris Johnson.
“Don’t worry Nigel, there is a cure. I had my conscience removed years ago and as a result I haven’t suffered with any such problems since.”