A huge and complex rigging of a nationwide referendum has come apart at the seams thanks to the wonder of pens.
The government, the Rothschilds, the lizard people and/or the Royal Family had all nailed down a foolproof rigging system to ensure that Britain would remain in the EU.
“But now the bastards are using pens!” cried Simon Williams, Head of Conspiracy over at MI5.
“We can’t use rubbers on pens, believe me, I’ve just given it a go.
“We had planned this conspiracy down to the finest detail, right down to replacing elderly polling station attendees with pro-EU robots and making sure only registered people could vote.
“But then some meddling on twunt on Facebook suggested we all use pens and now the damn thing has gone viral.
“We didn’t think the general public even had ACCESS to pens, let alone the wherewithal and opposable thumbs necessary to actually use them.
“We’re fucked. We are absolutely fucked. This is Harold Wilson all over again.”