Man successfully believes it’s not butter

author avatar by 8 years ago

Local legend Simon Williams has become the first man to successfully believe it’s not butter today.

Williams, whose previous accomplishments include hopping to the South Pole and unicycling up Mount Everest described the achievement as his ‘hardest challenge yet’, requiring months of training and preparation.

Speaking to awestruck reporters, Simon described a training regime which included eating literally hundreds of crumpets, slices of crusty cob and bagels smeared with various spreads to acclimatise his taste buds before the big day.

Then followed a blind taste-test in front of a sellout, spellbound crowd at Wembley Arena.

“It was all a bit of an anti-climax, really”, he said later.

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“It obviously wasn’t butter from the first bite. More a bland, yellowish paste with the consistency of that edible glue you get at primary school.

“In fact, I could easily believe that’s exactly what it was. You could use it to stick pictures of football players or ponies into a scrapbook, no problem.”

To celebrate his achievement Simon plans to open a shop selling gigantic buttered teacakes.

“I’ll call it Tea-Cake Maxx”, he told us with a smile.