Everyone gobsmacked by Wales

author avatar by 6 years ago

The Welsh football team has left the entire country in a state of open-mouthed disbelief after a well tidy display last night.

After a quite astonishing show against Russia in the European Championships, England, Scotland and Northern Ireland have been reduced to pointing at Wales and going “But…but.. Wales…but…well, Wales for Christ’s sake. ” before adding, “How the fuck did that happen?”

Meanwhile, Welsh people have been giving a quiet and satisfied nod to themselves, secure in the knowledge that England barely scraped a draw against a team they hammered into the ground.

Senior footballologists have calculated that Gareth Bale alone was worth almost four dozen Raheem Sterlings on the pitch, whilst Joe Ledley played better with a broken leg than Harry Kane with two whole ones despite looking like an intrepid Victorian adventurer.

England fans are reported to have stopped buying Carling and switched to Brains SA in the hopes it might improve their chances in future.

Welsh football commentator Simon the Williams grew overexcited after the match, shouting “Vladimir Putin! Can you hear me?!

“Joe Stalin! Ivan the Terrible! Kim Philby! Boris Badunov! Rosa Klebb! Ivan Drago! Zangief out of Street Fighter! Black Widow! Can you hear me? Your boyos took one hell of a beating tonight, look you!”

In related news, Vladimir Putin is understood to have quietly shelved secret plans for a Russian invasion of Dyffryn Ardudwy as he reckons it might be beyond him.