Man having sleepless nights at prospect of inadvertently delighting Farage or Cameron

author avatar by 6 years ago

Undecided referendum voter Simon Williams hasn’t slept properly for nearly a week over fears he might accidentally delight either Nigel Farage or David Cameron.

Williams, 36, is torn over the decision to leave or remain in the EU, and has failed to be convinced by either side saying the other option will be worse.

He explained, “It’s a choice between bad things that will definitely happen if we stay, or bad things that will definitely happen if we leave. It’s almost impossible to know what to do.”

“But the bit that really keeps me awake at night is the prospect of either Nigel Farage or David Cameron grinning back at me from the front of a newspaper on Friday morning, like the immeasurably smug twats that they so obviously are.

“The thought of my actions contributing to giving Nigel Farage what he wants most in the world makes me feel genuinely nauseous.

“Whereas the prospect of my actions helping David Cameron wake up with a smile on his face makes me want to hurt myself with something incredibly sharp.

“I just want to go to sleep and wake up in about a month, is that an option?”

Williams has been reminded that come Friday morning, whatever happens, a large number of complete arseholes are going to be lording it over you as if they’ve won the World Cup.