Can I stay up here, it sounds really shit down there, asks Tim Peake

author avatar by 8 years ago

With the people on Earth on a seemingly never-ending quest to find new ways to fuck each other over, UK astronaut Tim Peake has revealed his reluctance to return.

The former test pilot, who is due to return to Earth tomorrow, has asked the European Space Agency if there is any possible chance he might be able to stay off the planet a little longer.

Speaking from the International Space Station, Major Peake said, “Up here, people don’t get their head stamped on by football hooligans, killed for their beliefs or for not sharing someone else’s beliefs.

“They don’t get targeted because of their nationality, their faith, their sexuality or used as a scapegoat to whip up anti-immigration hysteria.

“They won’t be mocked if they are disabled or sneered at if they are poor.

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“It’s a shame because the Earth looks beautiful from space.

“But then I remember it’s got people on it.”