Select Committee member mauled to death after looking Sir Philip Green in the eyes

author avatar by 6 years ago

MP Richard Fuller has been mauled to death whilst taking part in a Commons Select Committee hearing with Sir Philip Green after failing to heed warnings about direct eye contact.

Despite repeated warning that direct eye contact was dangerous, Mr Fuller chose to continue looking directly at him, before his throat was ripped out by a clearly agitated Sir Philip Green.

As one witness told us, “You should never look a tax avoider directly in the eye, absolutely everyone knows that.

“They see it as a challenge to their authority and they will lash out. That’s why we in the audience chose to wear those masks that make it look like you’re actually looking off to the side – it’s for our safety.

“Richard Fuller was given a warning earlier on in the proceedings when Sir Philip explained that he found being looked at ‘aggressive’, but he didn’t listen.

“He continued to point his eyes in the general direction of the tax avoider, and, although what happened to him is tragic, he really only has himself to blame.

“Tax avoiders can’t help their nature, so we can’t really blame Sir Philip for this tragedy, much like we apparently can’t blame him for running BHS into the ground and paying himself half a billion in dividends before selling it for a pound to a bankrupt chancer.”