Satan lays on massive storm at Download to commemorate Black Sabbath’s last tour

author avatar by 8 years ago

The Download Festival was hit by a massive storm after Satan joined in commemorations of Black Sabbath’s last ever tour.

Satan was concerned that marking the occasion with hellfire might pass unnoticed due to Rammstein playing the festival, and wanted to make sure nobody missed his appreciation.

The trio of Ozzy Osbourne, Geezer Butler and Tommy Iommi got together in 1968 and have pursued a career marked by accusations of diabolism and evil, which Beelzebub was happy to confirm were ‘totally true’.

Fans at the festival are understood to be dismayed by the torrential rainfall and mud, but were sympathetic to what Mephistopheles had been trying to say.

“I’ll miss these guys”, Satan told us.

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“I’ve had some good times to their music whilst toasting the spirits of the damned.

“Headless Cross is just the thing to pop on when I’m bored and fancy a half hour tormenting Jimmy Savile.

“The storm really was the least I could do under the circumstances.”

The Devil is understood to be wondering how to up the stakes for Iron Maiden’s set tonight, and is considering downing the moon in blood.

However, some were unconvinced the storm was caused by the Lord Of Hell.

“Satan did that?” The Archangel Michael, Slayer of the Serpent and General of the Heavenly armies, told us.

“Like heckers. That storm was me. Massive fan over here.

“That’s Satan for you. Nicking other people’s best work and claiming it as his own.

“Thanks for the music, lads”, he added whilst eviscerating an imp.

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