People who live in different countries are inferior and deserve to have tables and chairs thrown at their stupid foreign faces, it has emerged.
A country’s history, culture and achievements are now considered worthless compared to the ability of angry men to punch either other until they are a bloody mass of hair and teeth.
“Why bother faffing about inventing stuff or discovering things when you can bounce someone’s head off a kerb?” asked one enthusiastic patriot.
“There’s no better way to highlight the pride you feel for your country than by stamping on the head of a foreigner until they never recover.”
One bloodstained man, who was drifting in and out of consciousness, revealed how an encounter with several people from somewhere else had left him questioning his country’s superiority.
“I’m not tearful because of the tear gas, I’m tearful because the inadequacies of my country have been exposed,” he said.
“I’ve taken such a massive beating that I’m left in no doubt that my country isn’t as good as I’d assumed.
“Being born in a different country was a mistake that I can only apologise for.”