America hoping tomorrow’s mass shooting slightly less serious

author avatar by 7 years ago

After the worst mass shooting in America’s recent history, US residents are hoping tomorrow’s inevitable mass shooting leaves a far more palatable number of victims.

With the US averaging just over one mass shooting per day in the last year, the fifty victims of the shooting at Orlando nightclub Pulse have left many US citizens hoping that tomorrow’s now entirely predictable mass shooting incident keeps its victims in the low single figures.

Florida resident Chuck Williams told us, “It’s a tough ask, because you need to have four people shot for it to even be considered a mass shooting, but we’ve still had 370 of those in the last year.

“So with about one mass shooting a day you’ve just got to hope that each day the victims can be counted on one hand.

“Sometimes we don’t get so lucky, and then you get a tragic incident like today.”

“We generally don’t hear about them unless there are ten or more victims, or if it was a Muslim that did it – and to be honest I kinda like it that way, it makes me feel safe not knowing about all the mass shootings happening every day across America.

Meanwhile, many gun advocates have been quick to confirm that the gun used in the shooting was legally acquired and the firearm itself is not guilty of any offence.

“Just because a gun was legally acquired, legally owned, and then used illegally does not make it a bad gun,” explained NRA spokesperson Wayne Lapierre.

“I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again – if everyone in that club had been armed you’d probably be talking about a couple of dozen deaths, tops.”