A people-smuggler would quite like his inflatable raft returned to him.
Simon Williams, 38, managed to cram 27 people onto an inflatable banana boat before pushing them out to sea in the rough direction of Britain and hoping for the best.
“I gather the RNLI took care of the rest,” said Williams, “So if it’s all the same to everyone then I’d like my ‘ship’ returned to me. I have other passengers waiting.
“I don’t know what everyone is moaning about anyway, I’d love a go in a rescue helicopter and a free blanket. Some people don’t know they’re born.”
The RNLI’s Jay Cooper said, “we wouldn’t usually recommend a banana-boat for travelling across an entire ocean.”
“In fact, we wouldn’t even recommend them for an amusing group photo on holiday; everyone ends up looking a dick.”
Refugee, Elizabeth King, said, “that boat ride cost me £13,000.”
“Though I gather there is a place here called ‘Alton Towers’ which charges about the same for a similar experience.”
Williams said, “See? FUN!”