Screaming children are increasingly ruining the perfect calm of the world’s gorilla enclosures.
According to reports, family days out at some of the planet’s best primate centres have recently been marred by the sound of a splash, a scream, then sporadic gunfire.
In the latest incident, avuncular Cincinnati gorilla “Harambe ” was shot dead before it had the chance to lovingly return a screeching two-year-old brat to its parents.
Families who had the polite manners to leave their kids at home watched the drama unfold while muttering things under their breath.
Zoo owners blame the trend for middle-class parents allowing their children to express themselves by falling into a gorilla enclosure and paddling around in the moat.
Social media fans took to Twitter in their thousands to complain that they’ve also had their peaceful days out ruined by potential maulings.
Meanwhile, habitual gorilla enclosure visitor, Martin Jupp, advocates silencing unruly infants with a single tranquilliser dart.
Jupp said, “Gorilla enclosures used to be somewhere you could come for a quiet pint, without having your evening ruined by someone else’s kids.”
Last night Silverback gorilla, Simon Williams, did the sign language for, “This is my home. It is not a fucking crêche.”