The Chancellor of the Exchequer has been shot to protect a child who fell into his enclosure.
Described by witnesses as a ‘moment of critical child safety’, the child climbed through a barrier and fell into a moat where he was grabbed by Osborne and dragged across Westminster Square.
Osborne, who is kept in a secure enclosure to protect the public, is reported to have dragged the child around for ‘ten minutes’ to cries from the public.
Westminster officials took the decision to shoot the Chancellor after he refused to release the child and fears arose he might maul it.
However, the action has angered critics, who said that parents had a responsibility to keep their children away from the Chancellor, who is unpredictable and can be dangerous if provoked.
“George could seem threatening, but there’s no evidence he intended to dash anyone’s brains out against a rock,” a government spokesman told us.
“Well, not much evidence anyway. Barely any. Not so much as you’d really notice. We’d call it evidence-ish at best.
“Okay, we’re reasonably confident he would have let the child live with a light rending.”
The child was taken to hospital after the incident and is expected to make a full recovery.