Johnny Depp’s divorce to be directed by Tim Burton

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Johnny Depp’s forthcoming divorce will be directed by legendary director Tim Burton, it has been confirmed today.

The divorce, which is expected to have a budget in the high millions and reach a global audience, will tell the story of a childlike, quirky man who falls in love with a woman played by a much, much younger co-star.

Leaked set designs show a divorce court decorated with dark swirls and curlicues and populated by angry-looking grotesques dressed as lawyers whilst Depp stands in the middle looking forlorn and confused.

Composer Danny Elfman is expected to supply a score for the divorce, which will go “Tiddly widdly tiddly tee tiddly BOM BOM BOMTITTY BOM” just like all his others.

“It’s an eternal story of an outsider who thinks he has been accepted by a beautiful woman, only to be chased out of society by an angry mob. We’re planning to film that scene in Australia,” Burton told reporters.

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“There’s going to be a wonderful scene where a single, lonely tear falls out of Depp’s eye as a ravening hag makes off with half his money.

“She might be played by Helena Bonham Carter, but then again that might be a bit close to the bone for me, to be honest.”

Critics have already warned this is likely to be nowhere near as good as Depp’s earlier messy breakups, and will probably go on for at least an hour too long.