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In a stark warning issued today, the Klingons cautioned that if Earth leaves the United Federation of Planets – a move widely referred to as ‘Trexit’ – it could plunge the galaxy into an economic recession, or even worse, all-out war.
The Federation was initially conceived as a formalised trading alliance between the sentient races of the galaxy, but many humans now feel its mandate has been extended too far.
“I was all for the Federation at the outset,” said Starfleet captain Simon T. Williams.
“Everyone just thought it would mean cheap exotic food and easy access to planets full of cute green chicks who would put out, basically.
“Even my first officer thought it was a logical move. I remember him saying he thought the Federation would live long and prosper.”
But Captain Williams pointed out that across the galaxy, many alien races have clearly flourished outside the Federation.
“They’ve done cool stuff like evolve into beings of pure thought and energy,” he said. “Meanwhile, we’ve just had to put up with a shedload of bureaucratic directives.
“I mean, that can’t be right.”
The Klingons acknowledged Captain Williams’ concerns but said that Earth was too far committed to the Federation to disengage itself without disastrous results.
A spokesman for the Klingons said, “As a great Klingon writer has so well expressed it, humanity is ‘in so far that, should they wade no more, returning were as tedious as go o’er’.”
However, Captain Williams rejected what he described as ‘scaremongering’, and said that the Earth should seize its destiny, and Boldly Go.
