‘UK can win Eurovision’ announce people who clearly haven’t heard the song yet

author avatar by 8 years ago

People who haven’t heard the UK’s Eurovision entry still seem to think it could win.

Members of the public who are yet to hear even the first five seconds of You’re not alone are today telling their friends that it could win the Eurovision contest on Saturday.

Belief in Joe and Jake’s chances of being voted the best song in Europe is based on blind optimism and not having had any exposure to it in any way whatsoever.

“It’s got a nice title, and the two chaps doing is look quite wholesome. What else do you need?” quipped Jad Chapman.

“They’ve got a guitar, they’ve got haircuts, and they’re singing in English. What else do you need to convince Europe that it’s the best thing ever?

“I’m confident enough in its chances that I put fifty quid on it without hearing a note, and the guy at William Hill smiled when I did it, which is always a good sign.”

Office water cooler veteran Miles Woolford has been in a similar upbeat mode all day, telling all his colleagues that the UK is bound to get it this year.

“All the TV guides I’ve read said it really is our best one yet.

“It’s a song contest, not a stage show or political popularity contest. Why else would they call it the Eurovision Song contest?

“As a country we have consistently produced some of the finest bands and songs ever, why would anyone even think our entry would be some second-rate James Blunt knock-off?”

Jennifer Smith, Absolute 80s fan from Gwent told us, “What good pop music have the Continent ever produced? I went to France in the 80’s, so I know all the music is terrible.

“Plus it’s not like any of those places would enter a naked guy with a wolf, or use the threat of invasion to by a neighbouring nation to bolster their chances.”

Optimism over Joe and Jake’s ability to be voted the song for Europe is expected to peak somewhere between the moment they walk on stage and playing their first note.