Queen wins Tesco voucher after Illuminati rig tombola

author avatar by 8 years ago

The rich have got richer after the secret masters of the world rigged a tombola in favour of the Queen.

Attending the Windsor church fayre, Her Majesty bought several tickets for the tombola triggering a huge operation to ensure that she won.

Prizes up for grabs included several tins of fruit salad, a bottle of Valpolicella and a top prize of a £50 Tesco voucher, which was nabbed by the royals after a coordinated operation by the NSA, MOSSAD, MI6, and Majestic 12 resulted in her ticket being drawn.

The Reverend Simon Williams, who witnesses say drew the tombola, told us his suspicions were first aroused when shortly after her Majesty bought a ticket several burly men in dark suits arrived at the vicarage and tied him to a chair.

“At first, I wasn’t too worried as this sort of thing happens more than you might expect in the Church of England,” he told us.

“But then one of them put on a rubber mask which made him look exactly like me, which hasn’t happened since that time in Ibiza in 1996.

“When he came back five minutes later he intoned ‘IT IS DONE’ and licked his lips with a scaled, fork-like tongue.”

The Queen then went on to the bran tub where she pulled out a box of Maltesers, an airfix model of a Spitfire and a gigantic uncut diamond, all thanks to the incredible resources of the New World Order being diverted to the task of reinforcing the existing hierarchy.