Barack Obama calls for immediate ban on butlers entering US

author avatar by 7 years ago

President Barack Obama has called for an immediate ban on butlers entering the US until they can figure out what the hell is going on.

The move comes after Donald Trump’s former butler was found to have spoken out in support of the assassination of President Obama.

“Butlers are clearly a threat to our national security,” explained President Obama to the White House press corp.

“We can not stand idly by while this potentially murderous minority goes around calling for violence against the American people.

“Sure, some critics will say it’s just a small minority of butlers that are radicalised extremists, and that we shouldn’t tarnish them all with the same brush just because of the actions of a couple of lunatics, but we can’t take any chances here.

“The only safe thing to do is ban all butlers from entering the United States with immediate effect.”

Butlers across the United States have criticised the move, with one telling us, “I have spent years faithfully serving the families I have worked for, never once condoning violence of any sort.

“As butlers, we practise unwavering serenity and helpfulness in all situations.  This so-called butler of Donald Trump’s is not a real butler, and my fellow butlers and I condemn him in the strongest terms possible.”

When asked for comment, Donald Trump told reporters, “I know butlers, I’ve had the best butlers, great butlers. My butlers are just terrific.”