Cliff Richard busy practising dementia symptoms in front of the mirror

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After a file of evidence of historical sexual abuse was passed to the Crown Prosecution Service, Cliff Richard was this morning practising his best ‘dementia face’ in the mirror.

The CPS will now determine whether Cliff will be charged, or not, though the ageless singer is taking no chances.

As one close friend told us, “The decision last year not to prosecute Lord Janner because of his dementia means that the illness is really the only ‘get out of jail free’ card that celebrities who were famous in the 70s have left.

“If you can convince the authorities that you’re losing your mind, then they’ll leave you alone to enjoy your retirement in peace.

“However, proving dementia is notoriously difficult, so Cliff is busy practising what it would be like to slowly lose your mind – things like not getting dressed, forgetting where he lives and loudly agreeing with whatever Boris Johnson is saying this morning.

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“He’s also recorded an album of songs about Jesus – we’re pretty sure that will be the clincher for anyone who doubts if he still has all his faculties intact.”

The public has been warned to expect an increase in sightings of Cliff wearing his dressing gown in Tesco.