Risk of World War 3 no justification for treaty change, EU confirms

author avatar by 8 years ago

The continent of Europe being engulfed in a cataclysmic war to end all wars is not sufficient justification to make treaty changes, the EU has confirmed today.

Responding to comments by Prime Minister David Cameron that Brexit risked open war, the European Union confirmed that yes, everyone might die, but that’s a risk worth taking if the alternative is rewriting the Common Agricultural Policy.

A spokesman for the European parliament confirmed that the only people who wanted Britain to leave the organisation were Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-Un and Satan, and the commission would do anything at all to prevent this happening so long as that didn’t involve actually doing anything.

Meanwhile, France pointed out that treaty change would involve having to get out the chair, find the paperwork and take the cap off their pen, which is entirely unreasonable as they’re on break this month so thermonuclear apocalypse would be ‘deeply regrettable’ but one of those things.

“Bof,” said Francois Hollande with a Gallic shrug.

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Speaking at a press conference, EU President Donald Tusk told us “If it’s a straight choice between the lives of untold millions of people and that treaty, then the treaty wins hands down.

“Capital flight, millions would lose their jobs, and our enemies would be emboldened as our military and political power would be diminished. Worst case scenario is the collapse of everything into a hellish, Mad- Max-like wasteland.

“That’s really, really serious. Not quite serious enough to offer anything which might prevent it, you understand, but pretty serious nevertheless.”

When we asked if the Commission would have the Lisbon treaty carved into a 9′ limestone block so they could look at it every day, we were told that they might be stupid but they’re not that fucking stupid.